Going through a break up is difficult for anyone. The fact that you two were such a great couple only makes it that much harder. For some reason things stopped going so well, in a way you were relieved. But as time has gone on you’re starting to realize just how much you would like to get your ex back. However, you’ve tried patching things up before, and it always seems to end in an argument. Here are some tips that will help you two get back together without having to argue.
1) Let your ex have some time to think things over for themselves. You will both need some time to relax after breaking up. The trick here is knowing just how much time. If you act too quickly you will come across as needy and pushy. If you wait too long they may assume you no longer care. Nobody can say “call them after four days”, or any other number for that matter. Everybody, and every situation is different. You know your ex better than anybody else, so you’ll have to rely on your best judgment to determine how long they need.
2) Agree to talk things out in a calm manner. The odds are pretty high that you two were arguing more and more as your break up got closer. You may not have seen it coming, but in retrospect it’s as clear as can be. It may be tempting to fall back into that old pattern once you start talking to each other again, but resist that temptation. To be fair, you wouldn’t be doing it on purpose, so you have to be on guard and be ready to turn down the heat as soon as you notice it’s rising. By agreeing ahead of time to remain calm you will reduce the chances of an argument getting out of hand.
3) Maintain your focus to stay cool. It can be difficult to remain on topic during a healthy discussion. The situation is stressful, and there are so many things you “just have to say”. You can still say them, but only when it’s time. Avoid going off on tangents. Don’t attack your ex as a person. This will be easier if you keep the thought of getting back together in the back of your mind. It will help keep your conversation on course.
4) Seek understanding. Almost sounds philosophical, doesn’t it? We often think we understand what the other person is trying to say, but if we did, we probably wouldn’t be making up. The problem is that we filter what the other person is saying through our own beliefs. We assign intentions to their thoughts, intentions that aren’t really there. So it’s up to you to make sure you really understand what your ex is trying to say. It’s as simple as rephrasing what they said and asking if that’s what they meant. If not, keep trying. Eventually you will get what they’re really saying. Once you do, you can move on to the next point.
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