If you are trying to save your after infidelity and wondering where to turn, then the good news, amongst the doom and gloom you’re currently feeling, is that there is hope.
What you have to do first of all is make sure that you are serious about wanting to save your relationship. There is very little point in trying to save the relationship if you are not fully committed to what you are about to undertake.
Now, after infidelity a relationship is in a very fragile state. Trust has been broken and betrayal is often all that the wounded spouse can think about. If you are the spouse who has strayed and betrayed your spouse, then get ready to do some serious making up.
Obviously you will have to start by ending your affair. Once you have ended the affair and broken off all contact with your lover, then you have to convince your spouse that you have done this and done this once and for all. There really is no point attempting this reconciliation if you are still seeing your lover or still in contact with them.
Take some time thinking about what caused you to have the affair in the first place. Very rarely is it about wanting to sleep with someone else. Usually it’s about an emotional need that was not being met in the relationship. Figure out what you were missing and sit down with your spouse and explain it to them.
Whatever you do don’t make your spouse think or feel that whatever you were missing was because they weren’t providing it. You have to take full responsibility for your mistakes and you have to do so in a constructive way.
After infidelity, you are going to have to work at getting back your spouse’s trust. Now this will not happen over night, so don’t get frustrated and angry if you feel you’re being made to jump through hoops to win back your spouse’s trust. When you first met and dated your spouse, trust didn’t just appear on the first date, the first week or month. No, it took time to time to build and grow and now that you have severely damaged that trust, it will once again take time to return. So you’re going to have to be very patient.
Make sure that after the infidelity, if the two of you feel that you need to seek outside expert help that you do so. There is no point in you both wanting to save the relationship, but neither of you have any clue about how to go about this and then not seeking help. You will do yourselves a great disservice if you decide to soldier on without help.
Relationships can be saved after infidelity has happened. The key though, is that one or both of you truly want to save the relationship.